r.i.p. derrion

havent been here in a while but i needed to post this...
Derrion Albert was a 16yr old boy
who was beaten to death in chicago during a gang fight after school
but the part that makes it so much worse is
he was a passer-by he had nothin to do with the fight...

for me to see this it really makes me wake up
the world isnt the same way it used to be
its alot more dangerous
especially when the danger is being caused by
kids my age im only 17
and its sooo sad that kids cant be kids anymore
because of things like this......

im praying not only for him and his family
but for kids all over the world...
things like this really make u realize
that today is not promised...

if u have not seen the video and u want to
visit news.aol.com and search his name
but the video is graphic...
spread the word of Derrion Albert and maybe
it can save someone elses life...

r.i.p. derrion.

full speed ahead

ok soooo its summer!!!!!
which means this fall im gonna be a
SENIOR!!!
im soooo excited and relieved
highschool drama will soon be over
but
real world drama will cum at me full speed

sooo when i think of highschool coming to an end im sooo happy
but
when i think of the future im TERRIFIED
and even though im scared out of my mind
im gonna try my hardest to live life
to the fullest

the other night my family had a scare
we thought my mom had a stroke
and thank GOD she didnt

but even though it was only a scare
it opened my eyes
..we never really kno when our time will cum
but when its my time i wanna go happy

meaning that i wanna be able to say:
ive been here and done everything
i wanted to do while i had the chance

...i wanna do so much with my life and in my lifetime
i wanna leave my mark sumwhere, with sumone, or sumthing

...sooo here's a toast to actually living
bcuz its one thing to settle into life
and its another to take it on full speed ahead

=]

...and we're gonna start off by adding sum color
lol

pathetic

idk wtf to do!!!
i feel like shit all the time
its official
ive been consumed by the
darkness in my mind once again.

i just wanna scream....
but i cant because if i do
ill blow my cover.

i thought i was making a good descion last nite
when i said goodbye
but now i just feel worse.

i cant do shit right.

the only thing i have to comfort me
is my tears
because to get to the good
uve gotta go thru the bad rite??

or is that just sumthin sumone made up???

watever it doesnt matter anyway
maybe im just meant to be alone.

i gotta go wipe the tears from my eyes.

.....

be u

sooo i was revising a couple comments on the net
made by sum people i kno
*****(not sayin names dont wanna expose them)*****
but anywho...as i was doin this i came up on sum wierd shiiid
and i made a discovery...
i discovered that half the people i kno are POSERS!!!!!

wats so wrong with poseres u ask??
well hmm lets see...
THEY'RE FAKE....THERE'S NOTHIN REAL ABOUT THEM
they try to be so "down" with everything

im glad i have a few eal people in my life
or i think i mite lose itt..

.

update

ok so its time for an update...
spring break starts friday and ummm
its going to suck.
i cant sleep in late like i planned because of my stupid
play rehearsals.
and its effin snowin...
imean its beautiful but come on its freakin april!!!...
ugggghhh idk wat to do with myself.

we're starting this "career passport" in english
and its making me depressed because
I HAVE NO IDEA WAT I WANNA DO WITH MY LIFE!!!!!...
im a junior so i have a little time to figure out but the clock is running out.
idk wat im gonna do with myself..
i just wanna crawl under the covers and have
everything be perfect when i cum out
but thats not how life works...

o and to make things better the act and sat are in june!!!!!
ugggghhh im freakin out on the inside but
im holdin it together on the outside
i just hope i dont crack under the pressure...

at least there is one good thing that has happened
....well i finally have a boyfriend
who goes by the name of:
ANTHONY...
he's pretty amazing and thats all u need to kno.

well gotta go i have to finish writing my
"career narrative"
yippeee (sarcasm)...
(exhale) well wish me luck

brittny

yea soo my bday was friday im now 17
woop dee doo>pssh not really...i remember the days
when having a birthday was a huge deal... ya kno
like when u turn 10 or 13 u probably thought that
was the biggest thing ever... now im just like
"thank god for another year" and thats it...
theres nothin rejuvenating about it...idk

i wonder wat the next birthday will be like...
i dedicate this whole year to reinventing myself,
to finding some type of purpose or depth,
its like i kno wat i wanna do with my life
but i dont kno wat i wanna do....
ive been askin nanette to help me figure these things out
but im the only one who can...

i have alot of things to discover for myself
before i turn 18...bcuz 18 practically means i have to sink or swim..
and rite now i feel like swimming im not gonna sink...
well gotta go tons of homework to do
and tons of marathons to watch...

love life

brittny

a little sumthin sumthin..

ok sooo i write a little poetry here and there and
i wrote this on the 17 during algebra 2 (hell) but anywhoo..
my friends who read it says its pretty good but a bit scary lol but watever
umm soo let me kno wat u think of it....


As I sit just waiting, thinking
contemplating my inner thoughts
searching for worth, for depth
mind boggling journey, grasping for what
I cant feel, its hiding, running,
my pace is slowing, or is it time
freezing extending every moment
for an hour even longer, darkness
consumes, star gazing no longer an option,
Im here in my solitude
Serenity is unavailable, this task is
becoming harder, so I induldge,
with every sip I become smarter,
my cup no longer runneth over,
so skin rips under the pressure, and
with every drop of blood the pain I smother,
rivers flow from my eyes as I journey through my own mind,
I shy away from humanity,
trying to find my sanity,
until I reach that point
Ill walk this lonely road
thee only soul who can save me is my own

...thee end
= p

life is sooo delicate
at any second everything u
knew can be over

sooo with that being said
make amends with those who u r on bad terms with
let the people that u love know that u love them

live every second as if it were ur last
and live life for no one but urself

...im saying this because its tru
dont let life slip away from u
hold on tight while u can

xoxo

hint hint: plastic

Ok sooo am i crazy???
..or could i just be imagining that everyone in my life that holds some type of importance
is leaving me behind...these days i really feel like im drowning
..i am a very good actress....ive learned to hide my feelings, emotions, etc because ive never really felt that anyone cared...

....but for some people hiding their feelings might be a good thing but to constantly hold in emotion is very unhealthy...in result ive said and done things to myself and to others that i never wouldve done if the circumstances were different...like i said before i dont regret anything because everything im not makes me everything i am...

....being an actress isnt easy...you lie to people that you should trust...u never really let anyone in...yes i have bestfriends and some know more about me than others but no one knows everything about me....im trying to change but since my friends are drifting away from me it makes it even harder than usual....

.....with that being said know that im not saying that i lie and hide every little thing, only the things that could let people get uncomfortably close to the real me....i could look perfectly fine on thee outside but on thee inside im usually falling apart (hint hint: plastic)...i just need to find someone who i can trust enough to let in someone who wont turn away fromme, someone that will actually be there for me...im always someones shoulder but who's gonna be mine

....does that make me crazy???

drift away

okay i have no idea wat to do!!!! well lets start from the beginning...one of my "bestfriends" since diapers has changed DRASTICALLY over the past few months: lets call her X...now yes she has had ups and downs before and for every single one of them ive been right there by her side...

....but theres always been this so called "friend" that she could never let go of: umm lets call her Y....now Y is nothing like a friend to X she stabs her in the back constantly, she puts all her business in the street, she not only dawgs X behind her back but to her face as well....

....soooo I hate to c my friends down and out which X is majority of the time....ive constantly warned X about Y and at first she didnt really acknwledge the truth..evenyually X woke up from her delusional friendship with Y and cut her loose....

....and this "freedom" lasted all for about 3 or ill give it 5 months...but anyways about a month ago i realized that Y had reeled X in once again and this tine i left it alone...but i also started to notice that X and I were slowly drifting apart.....

....soo me being me i asked her why, "why have u cut me and all of your other real friends off X!?!"...and she simply replied "O I just DONT f*@# wit NOBODY from this school anymore"....hmmm i thought let me get this clarified, "soooo wat ur saying is we're not cool anymore or something of that nature????"....she then responded with..."no i just dont f*@#
wit nobody from this school"..........hint hint: naw bitch we aint cool....

....sooo i left it at that....now my dilemma is: i am extremely loyal to all of my friends...but once u justify urself as someone who is no longer my friend or as someone who no loner "F's" with me (which has the same meaning) u never get that friendship back....the bond will never be as tight, the vibe will never be the same...now i can swallow my pride and kinda sorta give you some kind of friendship but it will never be that friendship as it was before.....

.....now like i said in the beginnig X is my girl or should i say was my girl???....but watever....i dont know if i should let her cum back and reclaim her spot as it seems she is tryin to do now...or should i give her the same treatment as everyone else who walks in and out of my life.....

.....good friends are hard to find in this world so when u find them u should hold onto them rite...or when u let it slip away do u try to get it back or let it drift away????....